Gen 2 - Chapter 19: Some Motherly Advice.

Neglect is a difficult thing to witness, and an even more difficult thing to change. When it becomes part of who somebody is, how can you make them change who they are? Words fall on death ears, and everybody starts to notice and then it becomes a balancing act. Where do you put your time? Where do you expend your energy? Is it worth spending an hour arguing with someone when you know deep down that they won't listen? Where do you draw the line?

As I held Jasper and looked deeply into his innocent eyes, eyes that were unaware of the betrayal of his Mother. My thoughts calmed, I was sure that eventually Kayleigh would come to realise her new role in life. At first she had fed us lies, tales of studying and making up for lost time soon lost their truth, they then passed into tales of "I need a break" and "to clear my head". Those then changed into plain old fashioned "I'm going out!". Although the lies have been transparent from the start, the lack of effort Kayleigh put into everything Jasper related was starting to become alarming.

I saw from the window a car pull up, a different one from the night before, and the night before that, and before that. This time it was a light blue sporty model. Kayleigh emerged from the car looking for all the world like a high class escort, I turned away as sporty car man leaned in to kiss her, as I knew his face was not important. I wondered what car she would be coming home in tomorrow? Why would I need to remember his face when in a week Kayleigh would not even know his name?

I heard the start of an all to familiar pattern of sounds which started with a metallic jangling of keys, the roar of an engine, the door opening, this was normally followed by an expectant silence. The tapping of heels on wood, of water pouring, it would usually be around this time that Jasper would wake up, which is why for the last month or so I have performed this pre-dawn, pre-emptive ritual. A toilet flushing was the audio cue for an arguement to take place between myself and Kayleigh in frantic whispers. Well it would have been two weeks ago, however Jacob and I had grown tired of the charade and had moved Jasper's crib into our room. We had done it when Kayleigh was there and we had told her we were doing it in advance, so it didn't seem as if we were stealing him from behind her back. We had hoped that this would spark some type of maternal instinct, but unfortunately she had only seemed glad to have some of her space back, even packing his clothes and toys into boxes and leaving them outside our room.

I heard Kayleigh's door shut, put Jasper in his crib, and tried to get some sleep. Sleep however, proved difficult to find as I realised that the twins birthday's were a little over two weeks away. My mind began to race with ideas of what to get them, and I could see dawn creeping through the windows before I managed to drift off.

Over breakfast the next morning, during which Kayleigh did not make an appearance, and I tried in vain not to fall asleep into my cereal, I discussed in parent code with Jacob my thoughts on presents. We decided on a new pair of bikes, and as we both had the Monday off from work decided then would be a good time to go shopping. Having grown accustomed to Kayleigh's post-night-out lay-ins we carried on with our day.

The shopping trip was more fun than I had anticipated. As we had no other option, we took Jasper with us, he seemed to grow quite attached to a teddy bear, which we decided to buy for him. We also found a fantastic pair of bikes for the twins, a black and red one for Mason, and a silver and purple one for Melody. We arranged with the store to have them delivered the day before their birthday while they were at school, to save the hassle of trying to find a place to hide such big presents. We also popped to the bookshop and picked up some books to help the twins in their studies. As that was all we needed we then made our way home.

The night before the party, this time emerging from a lime green convertible came my daughter, however it wasn't my little girl, underneath an industrial amount of make-up stood a tart in my daughters clothes. As I saw this evening's man press her against the car and push his hand up her skirt I closed my eyes and tried to stop myself from being sick, as the tears began to roll down my face.

Mum and Dad arrived at around half past four, and Mum immediately busied herself making snacks in the kitchen. I would have invited Lily, however Benji had been asked by the university to analyze a new type of fungus growing inside the tombs along the coast-line of Al Simhara, so they had taken their family on holiday to Egypt for a year, as that's how long Benji's placement was for. She had written to me last week explaining that she was obviously sorry she couldn't be there, but she didn't want to pass up this opportunity to give her family such an experience, and as the university was paying for their accommodation in a luxury villa I knew I would have done the same in her position. She finished her letter by saying that as export costs for parcels were so high she would be bringing souvenirs back with them rather than sending things now.

I brought through the pasta Mum and I had prepared for dinner, during which she had kept up a constant stream of complaints about how I was letting Kayleigh do what she wanted, I felt deflated because I had nothing to say, I had expected Mum to be on my side, but she seemed frustrated at me for giving in so easily. I heard two familiar sounds of a door shutting and of Jasper crying, and I knew that Kayleigh had left for the night. I mumbled my excuses, refused to look Mum in the face as I went upstairs. I settled myself down in the recliner next to the crib and began to hum a lullaby and my eyelids started to droop.

I woke up to see Mum's face illuminated in the soft muted light of the bedside lamp, she had a kind look on her face, she looked at me and said "He looks like the Dad doesn't he." It was a statement, not a question. I remained silent, watching her curiously as she held her Great-Grandson. "I suppose that's part of the problem. You and I, we were the lucky ones, we found a man who was equal to the challenge. This Alex may prove to be her Claude, or her Jacob, but she has got some changing to do as well. Trust me, I'm not angry that you've been looking after the baby, I mean someone's got to. What she needs is a short sharp shock to remind her of the things that are actually important. You and I never needed a kick up the arse, we got it right first time, and we had the support we needed. Once she gets it through her thick head that her self-destructive quest to get emotional revenge on a man who doesn't even care is for all intents and purposes pointless, then you mark my words, that baby will be her first priority and as soon as it is you need to stop being it's Mum. I know it's going to be hard on you, but it's what's best for her".

Mum smiled at me again as I realised that there was no malice in her words and she was telling me exactly what I needed to hear.

I hugged Mum and Dad goodnight, whispered my thanks to Mum as her words echoed in my head. The kids had been whizzing up and down the road for the last half an hour on their bikes, but as it was now getting dark they had brought them into the back garden and put them into the shed. The twins enjoyed their presents, I had made them wait until after their birthday meal to open them, and as I had fallen asleep they had had to wait most of the day, so even though it was cold outside we had let them try out their new toys.

I realised how soon it was until Christmas as I saw the first flakes of snow fall from outside the bedroom window. I glanced at the clock and it was half past twelve, and I knew Kayleigh would be home soon, so I settled myself in the chair with the latest J.K.Simley novel and waited.

My book was getting really good, and I didn't look at the time, so when I glanced up and saw that it was gone 2AM I was a little concerned, with Jasper still asleep I was sure that Kayleigh hadn't sneaked in but I went to check anyway, finding no sign of her I cursed her for being so inconsiderate and went downstairs to make myself a cocoa. Back upstairs with most of my drink finished and my eyes stinging from tiredness, as the clock changed to 4AM and Kayleigh still wasn't home, and visions of horrific news stories of murdered teens flooded my mind, and I wondered where my baby currently playing the part of a whore, currently struggling through a period of crippling self doubt, currently neglecting her only child, I wondered where she could possibly be.....

Chapter 20