18 Nov 2010

Gen 2 - Chapter 18: How Should I Feel?

I struggled to keep calm as my heart was screaming at me to turn towards his voice, my mind unwilling to co-operate, as always, was telling me to run. But where!?

Before I could even comprehend what was happening he came strolling past, I'm not sure what was harder, having him so close that I could smell his intoxicating scent, or seeing him with another girl on his arm, where I should be.


My heart almost stopped beating when he turned to whisper something in her ear and looked straight at me. The look of shock in his eyes was instantly recognisable, so I knew he had seen me, but that still didn't stop him from pretending he hadn't. I don't know why but I expected something, a smile, a nod, a reaction.


As I watched him walk out of the park I could feel the pieces of my heart that had begun to mend shatter all over again. I sunk to my knees, supporting my whale like body on one of the willow trees as I did, and just let the tears fall, although I knew once they started I would be unable to stop them.


The twins were oblivious to what was happening, their mind too focused on play. I really didn't want them to see me like this. Once I had managed to calm myself down enough, and wiped the river of tears from my face, I called out to them. As they came running over I felt a cramping sensation creep it's way from my back to my belly. My breath caught in my throat at the pain that followed, this was not a good sign. As much as I wanted this thing out of me I knew it was still too early for it to be born.


I gently eased myself on the bench in-between contractions, and asked Melody to call Mum and tell her that I needed to go to the hospital, because the baby was coming. Melody and Mason joined me on the bench and comfortingly held a hand each. As the pain increased with every contraction, I tried not to squeeze their hands too tight, but got a few "Oww, too tight, too tights" from them.


Lightning coursed through my body, every second was an eternity. I was trapped, there was no retreat, no escape, no surrender, and no end. People started to look, I saw intrigue and shock. I saw the disbelief that a stupid little girl was about to give birth in the park, and I hated them all the more. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. The bench was really uncomfortable and I couldn't have felt more helpless.


Mum had made me watch some stupid birthing videos and attend pre-natal classes, they had all described pain, and yet what I was feeling was beyond pain. I expected to burst open at any moment like an extra in a horror movie. Visions of blood, gore, and viscera flooded my mind. I heard talking, but it was as insignificant to me as a fly to King Kong.


I was brought back from my nightmarish daydream by a feeling of wetness in-between my legs. I felt it seep through the material of my trousers as my face flushed with embarrassment. Tears streamed down my face as the situation became too much. I had to get away. I had to run, but here I was suffocating under the act of my own stupidity. Regrets bubbled to the surface of my consciousness. If only I had made him wear protection, if only I had been on the pill, if only I had not been such a child.


The claustrophobia of the wall of stares was maddening, they seemed as if stony sentinels oblivious to my screams and protestations. I began to feel faint.


I heard brakes screech and I knew I was saved. I was going to be taken from those faces, taken far away to be rid of this abomination. Pain scythed through me again as my hands desperately reached out for support. I saw Mum's lips move but heard no words, I saw her point and gesture at the car. Some faces blinked, others reacted. Firmly but gently I was walked to the car and eased into the passenger seat.


Trees flashed past, pain flashed past, memory's flashed past. It was over in an instant, and yet lasted a lifetime. I felt full of dread and relief. Doctors were waiting outside the hospital, I was taken to a side room where Mum and the twins helped me change into a hospital gown. My trousers stuck to my legs and I was worse than useless.


My lungs were raw, I ached from head to toe, completely and consumingly, but it was over. This mewling wretched creature wrapped in a soft blue towel was placed in my arms, I saw tears in Mums eyes, she looked happy.


I looked into it's eyes, into my future, into the soul of this helpless child, which was now totally dependant on me.........................and I felt nothing.



Stay tuned for chapter 19 :)

22 comments:

ay2cee said...

Awww, poor baby, and Kay =C
Great chapter Kim!

strelitzia19 said...

Thanks Alex <3

buckeygirl80 said...

AWwww..... so sad. Poor Kay! I hope things turn around for her. Having a baby the way she did doesn't have to be the end of the world! I get the not feeling a connection right away. Even though I really wanted a baby, with my first, those 'motherly' feelings weren't automatic. They did come with time, but it was an adjustment that I thought I was prepared for, but really, there's no way to know what motherhood is going to feel like, and it's different for everyone...

Hugzies said...

I just dont know what to think of the situation now, she seems very determined to have nothing to do with her newborn. I hope things change or there is at least some bright spot for the little one.

jen said...

Dang, excellent update. I feel sorry for the baby and for Kayleigh as well. That woman her ex was with looked skanky, lol. Kayleigh's better off without him. Grrr. :(

Thea said...

Wow poor thing. She has had just about the worst time of it she can. I really hope she finds some happiness

sundancer16 said...

WOW. How sad!

Kittycattylion said...

T_T

strelitzia19 said...

@ buckey - Fortunately I had that instant motherly love with my two, I can't even begin to understand how hard it must be to feel that way, but like you said, every takes to motherhood differently. :)

@ Hugz - Let's hope things do change :

@ Jen - Thaks Jen, yeah she is a bit skanky lol :)

@ Thea - I know, she really deserves some, bless her :)

@ Kitty - :D

starling68 said...

Poor Kayleigh, and poor baby! I really hope that she starts to bond with him, and hopefully she won't regret it as time goes by!

Sky said...

AWWW poor Kay I really felt bad for her in the park with all those disapproving eyes.

I really hope she gets over her depression and learns to bond with her little boy.,, he's so precious! :)

Jojo777 said...

Oh my goodness, what an emotional chapter! I hope she grows to love her child, I already know he's going to be adorable :)

Sleeping Zazzers said...

After all she's been through I wonder if she's going to have another kid! Because right now at this state it doesn't seem that way. And if I were at the park I would help her. (Even though I have no experience in that section whatsoever.)

Doons99P said...

Poor thing! :(

Mauisky said...

I would love to know where you found her maternity hair, those pigtails are just so adorable!

strelitzia19 said...

I'll have a look through my files and get back to you :)

jen said...

Hi Kim! I like the new blog layout. I lurve purple :) Also just wanted to thank you for friending me on youtube! And for commenting about that silly video I made *snicker*.

*hawt vampires dancing. Mmmmmmm....*

Anyhow, I can't believe you're on Gen. 3 now!! Great job on the legacy!! ^.^

<3

strelitzia19 said...

Thanks, now worries, I loved the video, made me laugh so much lol, and who doesn't like hawt vampires shaking their tush's lol :P

I know I can't believe it either, ony got two more chapters of Lyra's generation and then Kayleigh takes over :)

Berry said...

Aww this is like poor Velvet all over again. I hope Kay snaps out of it unlike Dipped...

merrywiddow said...

I'm sure her mother will help her and she will come to love the little one.

Quan-Kun said...

Awww! The baby's adorable! I hope she grows to love him...

strelitzia19 said...

Thanks guys :D

Welcome To The Stone Family Blog.


I would like to introduce you to my founder, Jenna Stone and her husband Claude Stone.


Jenna's traits are:

Born Saleswoman

Eco-friendly

Bookworm

Family Orientated

Artistic

Her favourite's include:

Pop

Waffles

Aqua

Jenna is an artistic person, and can always be found painting her worries away. She wants a big family, she say's a home filled with laughter is the place to be. When she isn't painting she can be found either out in the garden or at the library reading. Being Eco-friendly she likes to recycle, take quick showers and just generally take care of the planet. She still remembers the first day she met Claude like it was yesterday. He was walking past as she left the library, and her being the bookworm that she is had her head stuck in her favourite book and bumped into him. Claude caught her and as their eyes met they instantly felt the attraction towards one another, and from that day they never left each others side.


Claude's traits are:

Family Orientated

Schmoozer

Charismasitic

Athletic

Ambitious


His favourites include:

Pop

Autumn Salad

Irish Green

Claude is very athletic, most days he can be found working out at the gym or with his family.He is also very charismatic and loves to make friends and meet new people. He is very career orientated and because he is a schmoozer he makes friends with colleagues very quickly. He is very family orientated and would love 4 or 5 children. He has always wanted a large family and never thought it would be possible until he met Jenna. He and Jenna were engaged within 6 months of meeting, they had a whirlwind romance and neither could imagine life without the other.





What will the future hold for the Stone's.