15 Jan 2011

Gen 3 - Chapter Five: Fear Cuts Deeper Than Swords.

When fear grips you how do you react? Darwinian impulses sway between fight and flight, but how can you fight fear? How can you fight something so intangible and all-consuming that it stops even your most basic reactions? When your instincts are frozen, and you are paralyzed with fear, is any action wrong? Or is it human nature to need to make a decision, even if that decision, with hindsight is incorrect? However with hindsight can you be truly happy with a decision made without judgement? By throwing a stone into the pond of uncertainty you have no idea how far those ripples will travel, and who those ripples will affect. Why does it always seem as though the toughest decisions, the ones which are most life affirming, and which have the most impact on others are made so rashly. Why don't we give ourselves more time to think? Why don't we stop and think?



My hands were shaking, I pushed the numbers without hesitating, not wanting to fully process the reality of the situation. My voice cracked with emotion as I heard the receptionist answer the phone. The tone of her voice was too cheerful for this kind of conversation, and I felt the tears start to run.


"Hello, I'd like to make an appointment please."

Auto-pilot kicked in as I scribbled down a date and time. I have no idea whether I said good-bye, or she said good-bye, or if I hung up on her, I just sat there numbly. The office phone rang and it snapped me out of my reverie, I felt sick to my stomach and I just wanted it to all go away, but I picked up the phone, put on my best professional voice and carried on regardless. I sent an email to my Boss, Mr Carter, saying I would be taking Friday afternoon off as I had a Doctors appointment, apologising for the short notice. I also sent Kitty a text telling her about my appointment, and asking her if she could babysit Jasper until Saturday morning. Then I didn't have to worry about where he was going to be while I was at the Doctors. As I tried to keep my emotions in check and retain my composure I began to feel more and more distant, I couldn't wait for it to be over.

My mobile started to vibrate on my desk, Trent's picture appeared on the screen, and I pushed silent. I just couldn't, I would not be distracted. I sent him a message saying that I felt sick and would talk to him tomorrow. He replied saying that he had had fantastic news, at the gig they played last night there had been a talent scout from the LOUD Music Channel, Punk Idol, who was signing last minute acts for this weekends live show. So it meant that he wouldn't be back this weekend. I breathed a sigh of relief, sent back a generic good luck with kisses message and tried to put him out of my head. The last thing I needed was to think about Trent too much.

My Boss agreed to the time off, and Kitty was more than happy to take Jasper for a while, so keen infact that she came and collected him Thursday night, so she didn't have to mess about coming to get him early in the morning. My little man whinged and put on his sad pouty face, but I gave him ten simoleons and told him that if he was good Auntie Kitty might take him sweetie shopping. The pout turned into a frown as he tried to work out whether I was being serious, and then apparently decided that my offer was genuine, clutched the note very tightly and beamed massively.

I sat at my desk Friday morning watching the clock, everywhere around me time was ticking, on the wall, on my desk, on my computer screen, on my wrist, everywhere, seconds being lost. As the day laboured on the speed of passing time did not improve, in fact I managed to work out that my watch was fourteen seconds faster than my desk clock, which was eight seconds faster than my computer, which actually seemed to be on time with the wall clock. At eleven fifty five, by my watch I turned on my out of office message, and ran.

I just could not sit any longer, sitting was making me think, this is not a situation where I want time to think. I would never have THAT happen to me again! I was in control of my life. I tried to work myself into a frenzy of righteous action, I got back to my apartment, showered and changed. Picked up my bag, which I had prepared and left for my appointment.

The waiting room chairs were uncomfortable, the wall clock was horrendously loud. I knew it was a mixture of hunger and butterflies which were making my stomach do somersaults, but it almost felt like a type of communication.

"Miss Stone...the Doctor will see you now. Did you bring your medical information?"

"Yes, I have it here." I mumbled.

"OK, I will just take that and get some photocopies while you are with the Doctor. If you will just come with me to the reception desk, there is a form you need to sign."

At the desk she continued;

"I am required by law to read aloud this statement. After you have listened, I then need you to sign next to theses two crosses to show that you understand the situation you are in, and consent to the procedure"

She paused to clear her throat;

"I hereby sign to confirm that I Kayleigh Stone have able mental capacity to understand my decision, and that in completion of this procedure, which will comply with the National Health Organisation Legislation 1984 act 17. I will need to visit my Doctor within seven days for a check-up. I am signing to confirm that I have read the documentation provided by the staff of this facility, with regards to the procedure itself, and the after affects upon my body. I hereby confirm that this is not a decision I have taken lightly, but one in which I have given time and consideration, and have discussed with all appropriate parties. I hereby confirm that I am terminating an unborn child, and that this process cannot be reversed."

I sighed, signed, and went through the doors that she pointed at.



Stay tuned for chapter six :D


23 comments:

Jojo777 said...

Oh my goodness, I just wonder if she's going to through with it!

ay2cee said...

Super sadfayse >m<

Hugzies said...

Oh NO! Someone change her mind! Such a sad chapter and you leave us teetering on the edge of our seats once again.

You are a great writer!

Thea said...

o_O That is NOT where I wanted it to go when we found out she was pregnant. She needs a happy life not more sadness :'(

Valpre said...

First, I love your intro, beautiful, emotive writing.

Second, I get what she's going through, the fear and the worry, but she's being rash. Not giving Trent a choice is sort of unfair.

Third, I really, really hope she doesn't go through with it.

Abeer said...

I'm seriously really starting to hate Kayleigh.

strelitzia19 said...

Thanks so much for the wonderful comments guys <3

Abeer - Why do you hate Kayleigh? Don't you think she's been through enough? All the fear from how she felt after what happened with Alex has surfaced and blinded her mind to seeing clearly, hence her choice of action about the pregnancy. She isn't doing it to hurt Trent, she's doing it to protect herself. :D

jen said...

wow, Kim, great chapter. It's very sad, but I totally understand Kay's decision. Usually I don't believe in abortion unless under certain circumstances, but then again, I just can't help but empathize with Kayleigh.

Loved the update. :)

starling68 said...

:O

That is all I can say!

seaweedy said...

It is a difficult subject and you are handling it in as sensitive a manner as possible.

Cami said...

I've tried to typed my comment a few times and the internet keeps spazzing out so I guess it's not meant to be said.

I rather hope she doesn't go through with it though, I'm torn between empathizing with her and disliking her quite a bit. lol

Duskwood Legacy said...

Kayleigh has not been with Trent for very long... certainly not long enough to KNOW for sure if they would be suited to raising a child together.

On top of that she is already a single mother and if Trent did not stick around the struggle to make ends meet would effect her and Jasper. Not to mention the emotional stress on everyone if they "did " make a go of things and it did not work out.

She's protecting herself and her already born little boy from having their lives interrupted by something that would change it dramatically and although it's very sad... you can understand where she is coming from on this.

Maui

jillyson said...

Wow, this is so crushing!
I agree with Val, that intro is marvelous! So, so true.

I'm holding my breath, hoping that she'll have a change of heart, hoping that somehow, Trent calls her at just the right time, says something that makes her take some time and think before she does something she can't ever take back...

I love Duskwood's words above me - so really hit the nail on the head with where Kaleigh's head is at, but I just have to hope for a better outcome.

Biting my nails to see what happens next!

Sleeping Zazzers said...

Oh No! Wow, that was totally unexpected! Gosh I hope someone like Trent or her mom is (coincidentally) there to change her mind or just her changing her own mind! Gosh! I just hope her mind will be changed!

buckeygirl80 said...

Aw, Kay, this is such a big decision, don't make it alone!!!!! I've watched a friend go through something "sort of" similar, and even though it's been over 12 years ago, she lives with the regret of the rash decision made to this day. It had lead her to other problems, and because she turned to drugs to help her deal with her pain, she's lost custody of the son she did still have. :(
I think you are going a great job of handling this subject, Kim, by that I mean helping us understand what is going through Kayleigh's mind about why she wants to do this. I'm not for abortion at all, but I totally empathize with Kay. ;) Although this is a seriously sad chapter, I must say, you've done a great job with it. :)

Fawnester said...

I loved the update. I can understand why she is going against having the baby. She would being put herself in the same danger as before. I can understand if she is too scared to tell the daddy because of how horrible it went with Alex. Besides, if Trent was told he might feel obligated to do something even as big as move in with her. She would feel embaresed with the news with her mother and father. Doing this not once but TWICE. She hardly knows Alex or Trent, really.

And what about Jasper? How would he feel about his pregnet mommy, his little sibling, his father who isn't his father?

Anyway, abortion at her stage of pregnacy wouldn't do anything. The baby isn't alive, yet. It wouldn't be until 8 months or at least about that time.

Maybe Kayleigh should have told Trent about their baby. As it is he will probably find out on his own. Kayleigh should tell him so that it won't burden their relationship. Kayleigh's mind is filled with fear, and her decisions will be regretted. Maybe not this one about abortion, but other ones in the future.

I think it is safe to say you have gotten better and better with each generation!

Grazya said...

D: Noooooo! I do hope she changes her mind.

Would you mind checking out my new legacy (because the Holland legacy is kaput :c)? Here's the link: http://thechandlerlegacy.wordpress.com/
It would be lovely if I could have a spot on your blogroll, too. You're already on my new one. Thanks muchly. ;]

Buttonsginger said...

This is a real life story line and a difficult subject. Your writing is fantastic and the screenshots are just stunning. Keep up the fantastic work. Looking forward to more.

taylorlegacy said...

Omg, no way. ;_; She should drop the news to Trent before she goes through with something this major. :( Sorry I was so late to reply; I've been way behind with catching up on updates lately.

Doons99P said...

I just caught up and I see you are still creating the drama! I love it, it makes your blog stand out :)

Berry said...

:/

Rawla said...

*cries*

Quan-Kun said...

O...m...g... Of all the places, that's the LAST place I thought she would be going! I just hope she doesn't go through with it... I don't think she should murder her child!

Welcome To The Stone Family Blog.


I would like to introduce you to my founder, Jenna Stone and her husband Claude Stone.


Jenna's traits are:

Born Saleswoman

Eco-friendly

Bookworm

Family Orientated

Artistic

Her favourite's include:

Pop

Waffles

Aqua

Jenna is an artistic person, and can always be found painting her worries away. She wants a big family, she say's a home filled with laughter is the place to be. When she isn't painting she can be found either out in the garden or at the library reading. Being Eco-friendly she likes to recycle, take quick showers and just generally take care of the planet. She still remembers the first day she met Claude like it was yesterday. He was walking past as she left the library, and her being the bookworm that she is had her head stuck in her favourite book and bumped into him. Claude caught her and as their eyes met they instantly felt the attraction towards one another, and from that day they never left each others side.


Claude's traits are:

Family Orientated

Schmoozer

Charismasitic

Athletic

Ambitious


His favourites include:

Pop

Autumn Salad

Irish Green

Claude is very athletic, most days he can be found working out at the gym or with his family.He is also very charismatic and loves to make friends and meet new people. He is very career orientated and because he is a schmoozer he makes friends with colleagues very quickly. He is very family orientated and would love 4 or 5 children. He has always wanted a large family and never thought it would be possible until he met Jenna. He and Jenna were engaged within 6 months of meeting, they had a whirlwind romance and neither could imagine life without the other.





What will the future hold for the Stone's.