Gen 3 - Chapter Six: The Choices We Make.

Authors note: This chapter contains swearing.

I would never have THAT happen to me again! I was in control of my life. I would never have THAT happen to me again! I was in control of my life. I repeated the words over and over in my head. I heard the Doctor talking, but I didn't hear his words. I winced as the needle pierced my skin, injecting liquid sleep into my veins. My vision began to blur, and I felt somehow lighter. I knew that this was the right decision, it would all be over soon. I felt pressure on my shoulder, and then it was gone and I felt nothing.

I awoke with a start, I had had that same dream every night for the last week. My decision was haunting me. This time I had awoken before Trent's face had appeared. I balled my fist in frustration and slammed in onto the mattress. My stomach growled in fury, my diet of small meals and industrial strength painkillers was not going down well.

I climbed out of bed and opened the curtains, I saw the city sprawled out in it's pre-dawn gloom. Pain shot through my abdomen, I retched and ran to the bathroom. Time for more painkillers. I had taken the week off as personal time, and I had asked Mum if she wanted to have Jasper for a few days so I could do some redecorating. I knew it was a lie, but either she didn't notice or decided not to say anything.

After the pain had receded I put on some jogging bottoms and a warm jacket and took myself down to Mike’s Corner store. It was a 24 hour store, so I knew it would be open. I passed a man sleeping rough on an old bench. I told myself that I would treat myself to whatever I wanted and then I would give that poor Man my change. As I entered the store my face flushed from the heat, I grabbed one of their baskets on wheels and began to work my way around the aisles. I picked up this weeks girly magazines, today's paper, a Belgian chocolate and praline selection box, some biscuits, and some other minor nick-knacks. I payed for my purchases and made my way out of the store. I left the Hobo with all of my change, a couple of bags of crisps and today's paper, and went back to my apartment feeling like a very good person.

My day passed very peacefully. Just after three O'clock I received a text message from Trent. It said; Hey Babe, will be back 2nite. Not gonna have time 2 c u b4 show at bar. This week has been phat, got some sweet news. C u later, love you X. The hundred sentences I needed to say to him right then were totally not suitable for text message, so I sent back a standard 'excited about your news, and missed you loads' message.

Now that I knew I had to go out I also knew that I needed to wash, I ran myself a warm bath, making sure it was nice and bubbly. I took some more painkillers, put on a chill-out CD, and lit some scented candles, before lowering myself into the water. After my soak I popped some clean pyjamas on and tried to pick an outfit for this evening. If only I had an outfit which could tell Trent what I wanted to tell him, or did I even have to tell him? Would not telling the truth about something that I am not sure about his reaction to actually be better?

After more than an hour I settled for some three-quarter bottoms, my favourite comfy vest and a grey knit cardigan. I tried to find things to pass the time, but I had lost my interest. As I played out my conversation with Trent in my head I came to the conclusion that I did not need to put such unnecessary pressure on our fledgling relationship. That it was unfair to burden him with this knowledge. I couldn't stomach anything for dinner. I got changed, and ready. I grabbed myself a carton of juice from the fridge and took some more painkillers, and then hid the bottle, so that if Trent was to stay over he wouldn't see them.

As my taxi pulled up outside Waylon’s Haunt I paid the driver, and stepped out onto the path. The band had already started, I could hear one of their songs playing. I could hear the drum beats through the open front double doors. The air still smelt of Summer, I probably didn't need the cardigan. I said Hello to Anthony the doorman and made my way inside.

I waved at Trent as I made my way towards Maxine's table. She had just finished her drink, so I took off my cardigan and told her I was going to go get her another drink, and headed towards the bar. I pulled some money out of my purse and ordered a Coke for me, and a Double Vodka and Red Bull for Maxine.

My eyes wandered while my drinks were being poured, and then it was wrong, HE stood there with HIS stupid uniform and HIS stupid face, and HIS stupid in MY life. HE saw me and HIS face went from surprised to that flirty recognition in an instant. The moment I saw that smile I felt the new world that I was building around me shatter like broken glass.

And I ran.........

I slammed my apartment door behind me, I was breathless and enraged, and overwhelmed, and it was too much. I grabbed a glass and poured myself a neat Vodka and downed it. The taste shocked me back to my senses, I felt it burn as it slid down my throat. I screamed out loud in anger, and punched my fridge. I cried out in pain and poured myself another drink.

Half a bottle later and the intercom rang, I looked at the monitor, it was Trent. I buzzed him up without speaking, and refreshed my glass. I let Trent in and walked unsteadily back to my seat.

Play Me

"Kayleigh, what happened?" He said. "I saw you run out of the bar, are you OK?"

"Oh Trent" I began "HE did this to me...that Bastard! I never wanted it to be like this. I had it planned different, but HE ruined it. I was gonna tell you, honestly. In my own time, but then HE showed up, and I don't know now."

"Kayleigh, you're not making any sense. Start from the beginning. First off, who is he? Secondly, what have you done?"

"HE is JayJay's Dad. HE now works in YOUR stupid bar. And HE is the reason why I had to."

"Why you did what?"

I could see concern spreading across his face as tears cascaded down my own.

"Why I got rid of IT, because you Men are all the same and I won't let you do this to me again. I'm not your doormat, and you should love me even if I am FUCKING pregnant! But I'm not, because you wouldn't."

"You're pregnant?"

"No" I exclaimed in frustration. "I got rid of it, so you wouldn't get rid of me."

"You stupid Bitch. How could you honestly think I would think or do that? Why are you punishing me for HIS mistakes? How could you have done this without having a conversation with me? I am a part of your life, and I had a right to know. In fact, I'm not, I was a part of your life. And NO, you're wrong...we aren't all the same. Some Men will treat you like shit, others would have done the right thing and stood by you, but I guess you'll never get the chance to find out, will you? You fucking murderer. "

Trent stood up and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door so hard that it rebounded back open. I stood there shocked. He was right! I had ruined this for myself, and there was nothing I could do to make it better. I walked back to the kitchen and poured another drink.

I heard the intercom go again and ran over to it slamming the open button with my fist. I wanted a chance to make it right. I tried to clear my mind, but the heady mix of painkillers and alcohol was starting to affect my cognitive functions. I sat down heavily on the sofa and launched into my speech as soon as I saw a figure in the doorway...

"I'm sorry" I wailed "I'm sorry. I've been trying to work out all week how to tell you, but to try and tell you that I got rid of our baby, even thinking about it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. If I knew then what I know now, obviously I would have talked to you first. I was just so scared. It took me over a year to piece my life back together after Alex abandoned me, and I could not risk you doing the same."

I began to sob loudly, tears rolling down my cheeks and into my glass. I felt very light headed. I put my glass down and shut my eyes for just a second.

I felt as though I was moving, it was more awkward than flying, but easier than walking. Then I heard footsteps, followed by my door shutting...then a moment later or maybe two moments, I'm not entirely sure I heard an engine start and a motorbike roar off into the distance.